Okay.

So. I think I've identified the problem (e.g. the drunken one standing next to me). HahakindofnotreallybutgoddammitI'msofuuuuuuckingfedupatthispoint
I think the reason that I keep feeling like I can't focus on my work, even when I really feel as though I have to get it done, is that I don't really have any form of release when my family is home-- except distracting myself. I don't sing around them. I can't play the piano because the TV is always on and God forbid I get to play the damn thing when anyone is home... okay. Caaaaaaalm down.
I don't get to play my piano when anyone is home because the TV is always on. Usually, the only time the TV is off is when everyone has gone to bed. And then they're asleep, so I can't do it then. What the hell. #1 problem-- I don't know how to communicate with my family. It scares me. It's not even just being scared. It infuriates me. And really I feel completely dead when I think about this terrible situation. Why weren't any of us working at this before?
I still would really like to know how my parents didn't try to work this out with us sooner. It's like we were just supposed to work it out. They completely forked over control to us a long long time ago. God, they're just so stupid sometimes. It's amazing. I really don't know how they could have thought that this was an atmosphere that we would want to survive in. He's a drunk. He's been verbally abusive from day one. She's in denial. When we've spoken up, we've been spit at through loud & angry speech & thrusting pointed fingers and then we've been called overdramatic when we're angry. And how could we not be? If responded to this man who yells gets us nowhere & talking about it to this woman (who's been our only parental security) only got us accusations of being overdramatic, how could we not become more "overdramatic"??? That was hell!! And that portion has lessened in a way. But how would I even really know that for sure? We still don't talk about things. This is what has made me want to die so many many times before.
I NEED RELEASE. But that is so hard to find here. So as of late I've just wanted to leave. But I can't. I'm broke. And I just don't really want to do anything when I'm here.
This is my family. This is my home life. This fucking sucks. Self-pity self-pity... <-- and then some

This is like the unsolvable problem. This has never changed. Ever. I need some release. What can I do??? None of my friends have known what to say. More recently they just hadn't been responding at all. They would just start talking about something else... I don't get to do that, though. It just seems so unfair. I know they don't mean to hurt me by doing that. [...] this is going nowhere fast...
I need some This American Life. Maybe that will be enough. For now.
Please give me some love. Please give me some life. I will do the same for you. If you can, then I can. I just need some help.